Wednesday, October 19, 2011

2 Months

Today marks what should have been Aimee's 2 month birthday.  Our family should be just getting down the routine of a newborn.  We should be exhausted from not enough sleep.  Lucy should be rocking and cuddling with her baby sister instead of her doll.  And we should be taking her to the doctor to see how much she has grown since the day she was born.  Instead we are sleeping through the night and going through our day just like we always do.  Does it hurt to think about what might have been?  Yes, badly.  Is it good for me to think about what might have been?  Yes, because it helps me remember Aimee.  Not that I will ever forget her but sometimes it can start to feel like it was all a dream.  Like I never had another baby that I got to hold in my arms.  Like I haven't just gone through 9 months of pregnancy (although, I can look at my body and tell that this isn't so).  I thank God for the healing that has already begun to take place but it does my soul good to sit and think about her sometimes as I let the tears flow freely.

I think Lucy feels the same as she goes through her 2 year old emotions.  She will sometimes say to me, "remember Baby Aimee's lips?  They were so cute."  Or "remember her hair?  It was all dirty.  She had tiny little fingers."  I love how she brings her up and I am so glad she will have a memory of seeing her little sister.

Now, to turn the table so as not to emotionally exhaust myself again and so early in the morning, I think of the good things.  Little Aimee never had to feel pain or heartache, or loss.  She never had to get in trouble or have a fight with her sister.  She is having a blast in heaven living in love like we will never know here on earth.  She is probably teaching her cousins how to play soccer because she was such a good kicker!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Infant Loss Remembrance Day

In observation of Infant Loss Remembrance Day (I bet most of you never knew there was such a thing, neither did I until I became one who lost an infant) I post Aimee's story for you to read.  Over time I hope to add more (especially pictures) but for now it is a simple telling of Aimee's life.

I also participated in Kirsten Petermann's sweet memorial to all our little ones by giving her Aimee's name to be said among the many others in her Say Their Name memorial.

Now I would like to take this opportunity to thank so many of you for your prayers, support, meals, cards, flowers, listening ears, shoulders to cry on and, often times, with.  You all have been such a blessing to us.  Gifts from God to keep us strong and learn to rely more and more on Him.  He is always good and even when we may not like the road He is bringing us down, there is a sense of peace that comes with trusting Him and knowing that we will be able to see our little Aimee again someday.  I often wonder what age she will be when we meet again.

We love you Aimee and miss you everyday.

P.S.  if you would like to see a few more pictures now they can be found here (thank you Mike Weston for putting them up and giving me the idea to start our own blog, maybe you can teach me a few things).

Thursday, October 13, 2011

something new

Well, here it goes... I am not much of a writer but after reading other blogs by other ladies I feel this might be a small way to help my heart continue to heal. I don't know that I will have much to say but I know some people, who have not been through this journey with us, are curious as to what happened with our little Aimee. Also, it will be a place for me to post pictures so you all can see her (if I can figure out how to do that)!