tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48892977023406024722024-02-20T23:31:00.396-08:00A Little GreeneNicole Greenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12435266072494071331noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4889297702340602472.post-59702940102502764922012-10-15T22:41:00.000-07:002012-10-15T22:42:01.049-07:00Remembrance Day 2012As if we could ever or would ever forget. Once again it is Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I don't have much or anything profound to say. Just taking time to remember holding my precious girl for the few hours we got to have her. As I feel this new little one growing inside of me and moving around and around I remember how hard little Aimee could kick and how social she was. She would start moving even more when others would touch my belly! It was almost as if she knew it would be her only chance to communicate with most of them on this earth. I remember seeing her eyes open and close during her last ultrasound, savoring the moment with tears in my eyes knowing that it would probably be the only time we ever saw her do that, and it was. What a precious moment to have been able to see and one I will treasure always.<br />
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We love you Aimee and can't wait to be with you someday!!</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Aimee's birth day.</td></tr>
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<br />Nicole Greenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12435266072494071331noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4889297702340602472.post-62228367758489973852012-09-22T07:42:00.000-07:002012-09-22T07:43:07.533-07:00Baby UpdateI know many of you are waiting to hear! Sorry it has been a couple days but you understand how the schedule is right now; CRAZY!!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cute little feet!</td></tr>
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First things first, baby is doing very well. They have all their fingers and toes that were opening and closing! Hooray! (As some of you know, this was another of the first signs that things weren't quite right for little Aimee.) More importantly their heart is pumping and forming correctly and their brain is looking good!<br />
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One minor thing that the doctor, of course, said not to worry about is a tiny cyst on baby's brain. He said they see this in a large number of the babies now due to how detailed technology is these days and that many adults even have them and would never know. Still, it's something to be praying stays small and doesn't become more than it is.<br />
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We did NOT find out whether baby is a boy or girl and baby was so funny because it held it's legs together the whole time so even if we had wanted to find out it would have taken quite a bit of searching and moving. <br />
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Thank you so much for your prayers for our day. I didn't feel really anxious as I had thought I might but I did feel a huge sense of relief when I saw the heart beating as it should! We would appreciate your continued prayers for this little one, especially that the cyst stays tiny and nothing!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Baby Greene! boy or girl? Hmm...</td></tr>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-size: large;"><b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I will proclaim the name of the LORD. Oh, </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">praise</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> the greatness of our </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">God</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">!</span></b></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Lucy, Matt and I are pretty convinced it's a girl but there are a lot of others thinking we have a boy, go ahead, chime in... what do you think? </span>Nicole Greenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12435266072494071331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4889297702340602472.post-41001798018688148802012-09-13T20:01:00.000-07:002012-09-13T20:01:25.945-07:00Thank You!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I think that one of the most difficult parts of having to say "good-bye" to someone you love is all of the decisions that go with it. Not only are there so many that you have to think about and make but every one of them tends to be a reminder of the pain and loss all over again. So, we delayed. I wanted to have a nameplate picked out and in place right away but we just couldn't do it. None of the standard stones were what I had been hoping for and trying to figure it all out was proving to be too difficult. So we set a goal. Our goal was to have Aimee's stone in place by her birthday. <br />
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July 2012 came quickly and Matt and I realized we still hadn't ordered it or even decided what we wanted. So back to the cemetery (with more decisions to make) we went. We met with a wonderful woman who told us we don't have to just stick with the standard pre-molds, there were a number of other options to put together. We knew our goal timeline was coming close so we gave ourselves one night to think on the design we had picked out after an hour or so of looking through the book and in no time it was done and in place. The same lady who helped us plan what we wanted also placed the stone and was so excited to call and tell us how beautiful it looked. Just in time for her birthday!<br />
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Isn't is beautiful? It is exactly as I had imagined and I am so happy with it. <br />
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We also really want to thank our Lifegroup family for the amazing monetary gift you gave us that actually bought it! You are a part of this. Thank you for all of your love and support and help. We love you guys so much!<br />
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And so, now it is finished. There are no more decisions to make. No more, questions about where, what, when, how. All is decided and done. Except of course, when we will get to meet our beautiful Aimee face to face and know her for the amazing girl she is. What an amazing day that will be!! Praise the LORD!<br />
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<br />Nicole Greenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12435266072494071331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4889297702340602472.post-67664492547981321162012-09-07T19:21:00.000-07:002012-09-07T19:22:51.630-07:00Happy Birthday to Our Girls!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lucy listening to her birthday song. </td></tr>
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August 19th, 2012, Lucy turned 3 years old! WOW! I can't believe what a big girl she is now.<br />
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As you know, August 19th is also Aimee's birthday. Yes, a bittersweet day indeed. We were anticipating a lot of emotions and not quite sure how the day was going to go so we purposefully planned the party for the 19th thinking that having friends and family around on the day would be great distractions.<br />
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However, as I have mentioned <a href="http://alittlegreene.blogspot.com/search/label/Mourning" target="_blank">before</a>, sometimes the emotions catch us off guard. On Saturday I was having a bad day and noticed Matt was too. It wasn't until a friend of mine called asking how we were doing that I finally broke down and just cried on the phone to her. She gave me some good advice and told me to let the emotions come so that the next day the worst of them would hopefully be over and we could enjoy a fun party. So, I did. I cried myself to sleep on Matt's chest and believe it or not it did help! <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Honoring Aimee at the party!</td></tr>
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The next day was the party. It was wonderful! I think about 30 people showed up (about 20 of them are family, but still a lot of people). And everyone had a wonderful time with only a slight struggle with emotions on my part. Lucy got to blow out her 3 candles and one on her cake for Aimee too. We had talked about this earlier and she thought it was a great idea.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lucy opening garden lights for herself and Aimee.</td></tr>
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We are so glad that so many were there to make the day special and fun for Lucy. She is still talking about what a fun day she had!<br />
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After everyone went home that night we tried to light off a sky lantern in honor of Aimee but they weren't going over too well so we only got one off and barely! And unfortunately, no good pictures of it. Maybe I will be able to find some smaller ones for next year... But here are some other fun pictures.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Lucy's cool birthday cupcakes, brownie and jell-o made by Mam'ma. </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Having a blast!</td></tr>
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<br />Nicole Greenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12435266072494071331noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4889297702340602472.post-59237670535836915922012-06-23T21:35:00.000-07:002012-06-23T21:35:30.150-07:00Coming February 2013<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Yes, it's true. We are expecting another little one February 2013. Please pray for us as our nerves and emotions will most likely be on edge until the midpoint when we learn that, God willing, the baby is healthy and strong.<br />
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Lucy's reaction: she insists there are 2! And she wore purple pants this morning because, "the baby will like them."<br />
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Currently feeling awful and can't wait to get past the first couple of months. What worked for you and morning sickness?Nicole Greenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12435266072494071331noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4889297702340602472.post-45048665370981004422012-03-20T15:47:00.000-07:002012-03-20T16:17:36.383-07:00HELP! Triple Chocolate Chunk Muffins, and they can be GF!<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcjhEfjE9k0LNkCC3G6P5DadQJHqppCSD2QqYP1_cnDcdwINhn-PHZK14BLlti8VMAFDshdCMtKWWXhpnv85q9cnignIRj6brqXkhMi5MDtswma0Ld6Q-in-F-0ycSv0SiTJjgj2b6IAdW/s1600/DSC_6035.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcjhEfjE9k0LNkCC3G6P5DadQJHqppCSD2QqYP1_cnDcdwINhn-PHZK14BLlti8VMAFDshdCMtKWWXhpnv85q9cnignIRj6brqXkhMi5MDtswma0Ld6Q-in-F-0ycSv0SiTJjgj2b6IAdW/s320/DSC_6035.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">no, I am not a photographer... I guess I should pin that site on how to take<br />
pictures of food! :)</td></tr>
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Pinterest is one of the most addicting sites I think I have EVER come across! I LOVE all the ideas I can get from it but found I spent a LOT of time on it. I was inspired by a friend that told me she has to "earn" her time on it. So, I thought that would be a great thing for me to do too. I have to "earn" my time on it by doing at least 2 pins a week! I was excited about Valentine's Day and used a couple of ideas making our breakfast look like this:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyErtTL4dPSce-DG0xvaZWxewsMb6-OL7caj9moM06crlpsw2amgITEOYxiQsKG4GdMbvVPbFgqCbk3OcfjdIRts-5CFxvsLvm3oFUOBzt0SBs74CcPk_Nxy52_Xp21NcMPDM3Fj5DUxxD/s1600/DSC_6031.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyErtTL4dPSce-DG0xvaZWxewsMb6-OL7caj9moM06crlpsw2amgITEOYxiQsKG4GdMbvVPbFgqCbk3OcfjdIRts-5CFxvsLvm3oFUOBzt0SBs74CcPk_Nxy52_Xp21NcMPDM3Fj5DUxxD/s320/DSC_6031.jpg" width="212" /></a></div>
Here Lucy is showing you her heart shaped bacon!<br />
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And I made <a href="http://www.laaloosh.com/2010/06/03/butterfinger-pie-recipe/" target="_blank">this</a> for dessert that night. It was GREAT! </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.laaloosh.com/2010/06/03/butterfinger-pie-recipe/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsOxWeNwMvNTHBcdBlz0e7HkZLR8FOff4LOrXmyNu6UV0G1khU4RgK24NZOziVvRVs5ApA7U6K1ppJYWYlaJ461CSNqdtzLcbcqlv6m6rsEKVifXpnUgdJ0bFiQGP3VdvTKK4Zvc21HHAB/s320/butterfinger-pie-recipe.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.laaloosh.com/2010/06/03/butterfinger-pie-recipe/" target="_blank">Butterfinger Pie </a></td></tr>
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Anyway, that is NOT what this post is about. A few days ago we had some friends coming over for lunch and I wanted to make a good "healthier" dessert so I tried to make <a href="http://healthyisalwaysbetter.tumblr.com/post/6583755120/lessthan300kcal-triple-chocolate-chunk-muffin" target="_blank">this</a>:</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivhVC2AxYrBxswrrbjKY5Oyx0uvFr2g_742dzyHJB9Yf__m2cscSQdTCA_pedCZOe0XlegyWXnjG96WqGo7kCgsDE6YlExOMWjUiU4EEwcKBCZCvYrxC4j_R7LXobKfpfkX9lC5PXFTmTB/s320/triple-chocolate-chunk-muffins.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="257" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://healthyisalwaysbetter.tumblr.com/post/6583755120/lessthan300kcal-triple-chocolate-chunk-muffin" target="_blank">Triple Chocolate Chunk Muffin</a></td></tr>
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I was so excited that they were healthier than most chocolate muffins and I realized after reading the ingredients that it can easily be a GF recipe, yes, that's right, a gluten free recipe if you are sure to buy certified GF oats. Then I read the directions and found that I blend the whole thing! BLEND THE WHOLE THING! How easy is that? My kind of baking!! At this point I was VERY excited to try them. Well, all seemed to be going well until I got to the add 1 cup of hot water at the very end... wow! that sure made them liquidy. Then it said to stir in half the chocolate chips??? I knew right away that was a big FAIL since they would all fall to the bottom. Anyway, they came out looking like this:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirw8o3eNy5izeFKvNmlCQr64XTMwzBKAxNmNE4ypDafF7yowPcIoHJHY_SiicEl8uzDouqpxXgRw2MMireSOhKAkCPhcexSRBsgGQMjUPeilhTmBEXlRk89P_lYOSO466A26D9UjWbW04J/s1600/P1020696.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirw8o3eNy5izeFKvNmlCQr64XTMwzBKAxNmNE4ypDafF7yowPcIoHJHY_SiicEl8uzDouqpxXgRw2MMireSOhKAkCPhcexSRBsgGQMjUPeilhTmBEXlRk89P_lYOSO466A26D9UjWbW04J/s320/P1020696.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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The good thing is they tasted wonderful! Spongy and moist, but totally caved in! Luckily, my friends didn't care so much about the looks of it since they tasted so good. But still...<br />
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So, to the point. What did I do wrong? As many of you know I am fairly new to baking and MUST follow a recipe (you will not see any recipes made by me on Pinterest anytime soon) so I need help in fixing recipes sometimes. I am wondering if I should have omitted the water or maybe just put 1/2 cup of the water in? What do you think? I would really like to make these again but would also like them to be prettier. :) Thanks in advance for all of you help! Please comment below so I can try your suggestions next time! <br />
<br />Nicole Greenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12435266072494071331noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4889297702340602472.post-16774644766240430082012-03-05T15:37:00.000-08:002012-03-05T15:37:55.114-08:00"Mommy, Where's Baby Aimee?"<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXfJaMgxShVbq6aMNj5rrlO2kzfNqSEARPb7DQW1aso7-rWSLkbDvFUzlsCdtmymVNALG9TRdDb5D8LSetxKiOP_6dRgdhspbpCyVVuwZT5qhOJIzP-b9gwOvGMY0Q27l-1wQCDPW-ld1H/s1600/DSC_4976.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXfJaMgxShVbq6aMNj5rrlO2kzfNqSEARPb7DQW1aso7-rWSLkbDvFUzlsCdtmymVNALG9TRdDb5D8LSetxKiOP_6dRgdhspbpCyVVuwZT5qhOJIzP-b9gwOvGMY0Q27l-1wQCDPW-ld1H/s320/DSC_4976.JPG" width="320" /></a>The question came unexpectedly on a drive home from making Christmas cookies at Lucy's Aunt Noonie's house. (Yes, it has been awhile since I have written). So shocked by the question I asked her what she said to be sure I heard her correctly. <br />
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With more emphasis this time, "Mommy, where is <i>your </i>baby Aimee?"<br />
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I thought hard about what my response would and could and should be. Lucy knows it, "she's in heaven with Jesus." We had talked about it often, both before Aimee was born, to prepare her for when we came home without a baby, and in the many talks since we have been home. She often tells me how she wants to go to heaven to see baby Aimee and Jesus. "Not until it's your turn." I tell her. "Let's not rush it!" This time it was as if she was asking for more, as if she was really trying to understand why Aimee didn't come home with us. So, we talked as best we could in the car about her 'ouchie' heart and then we were on to something else, probably deer or the bicyclists wearing their helmets, what "good boys" they are or something like that.<br />
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I have thought about this intercourse quite often since last December. I have wondered how a child understands heaven and life after death. The truth is they really can't. They take our word for it. She trusts me when I say that it is where Aimee went but she can't understand why we can't just go visit her there like we visit our friends and family. <br />
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That got me thinking... how much do we, as adults, understand heaven or life after death? We can learn a lot about it from God's Word but do we really understand it? Probably not. It is part of faith. Faith and hope that what God said is True. Faith that we will live in eternity with Him if we accept His perfect sacrifice to cover our unrighteousness. It reminds me that just as Lucy has complete faith in me that what I say is true, I am to have complete faith in God and what He speaks in my life (whether I like it or not).<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9qj3wWcqyCKsWRZKW3aBbuBTPeEWS0s-_ttIVZp5ksAiV2V6s_XTARphP9pljfFCkj9lGjDdZLb4UWen3aUcl8cswCRVqEQmP9fT3P08sIceXdmUaPbeNpt05kIb9LSWrnHgiublDdGAF/s1600/DSC_4984.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9qj3wWcqyCKsWRZKW3aBbuBTPeEWS0s-_ttIVZp5ksAiV2V6s_XTARphP9pljfFCkj9lGjDdZLb4UWen3aUcl8cswCRVqEQmP9fT3P08sIceXdmUaPbeNpt05kIb9LSWrnHgiublDdGAF/s320/DSC_4984.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
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This conversation also made me so thankful that Lucy got to meet her little sister. It was a bit of a debate for awhile whether we should let Lucy see her or not. Many people (doctors and some family) thought we should keep Lucy from meeting or seeing Aimee but all along I had a very strong feeling that I wanted Lucy to meet her sister, whether stillborn or not, I wanted her to understand that the big belly I had for so many months was, in fact, her little sister. I didn't ever want to be asked, "why didn't I get to see Aimee?" And this was one of those conversations that makes me thankful I stuck by my resolve to let her see her. She remembers her. She still, 7 months later, asks to see pictures of her on occasion. And while looking at her pictures will tell me about her cute little fingers and lips and dirty dirty hair. Just a few weeks ago she brought home a pine cone that she had found and told her Aunt Kathryn she wanted to paint for Baby Aimee. It blesses my heart and makes me smile to know that she remembers and thinks about her.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvcSJ-Zur1YQlytxIca8uV9Ey2HwkJTkjoNeAtVL0GlgV6IlR2U52HqekjMvrkGjqznnedg7TDxJrLK7pOUTCH_PiUd3ZyLMd7IBhks8uO1HbfXMBnN8S6G6jlccc7PeTR3U8jAmNFy_L-/s1600/DSC_4930.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvcSJ-Zur1YQlytxIca8uV9Ey2HwkJTkjoNeAtVL0GlgV6IlR2U52HqekjMvrkGjqznnedg7TDxJrLK7pOUTCH_PiUd3ZyLMd7IBhks8uO1HbfXMBnN8S6G6jlccc7PeTR3U8jAmNFy_L-/s320/DSC_4930.jpg" width="212" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I just had to add one of these. Lucy's goodnight routine with Aimee. Hugs and kisses, she insisted on my bare belly. Little did we know that this was going to be the last night for this routine. Aimee was born at 10AM the next morning!</td></tr>
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<br />Nicole Greenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12435266072494071331noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4889297702340602472.post-3544382237735666772011-12-21T08:50:00.000-08:002011-12-21T10:02:04.152-08:00On the 9th Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgBg0UQU4RKzaEONA7G5SYhyphenhyphenR1KgMpJ-S2JfryHYp2-OSonQC_1kCGcG7zVJXkPOfV7ueLyRBqHTZp4g7iC6EJx-_Q6f1yhZbJyvvpVWuZzRc9sca3jdHEt2HrO8YQzv309x2HfQm2xFn1/s1600/imgres-1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgBg0UQU4RKzaEONA7G5SYhyphenhyphenR1KgMpJ-S2JfryHYp2-OSonQC_1kCGcG7zVJXkPOfV7ueLyRBqHTZp4g7iC6EJx-_Q6f1yhZbJyvvpVWuZzRc9sca3jdHEt2HrO8YQzv309x2HfQm2xFn1/s1600/imgres-1.jpeg" /></a></div>
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I know, traditionally the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twelve_Days_of_Christmas">12 days of Christmas</a> are celebrated starting Christmas day until <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/epiphany">Epiphany</a> in January but I liked the idea of celebrating it leading up to Christmas. I got the idea from a <a href="http://www.passionatehomemaking.com/2011/12/on-the-first-day-of-christmas-my-true-love-gave-to-me.html">blog I read</a> pretty regularly. The main point is to just bless your husband in some way on each of the 12 days leading up to or after Christmas. I must tell you that this has been so much fun for me and by day 6 I could really tell he was enjoying it too, wondering what he would be getting each new day. I didn't spend much money at all, as a matter of fact most of the things would have been stocking stuffers, and I just had to get creative with some of the other days, but it has been so fun to give him a little something everyday relating to the number of the day. So, here is what he has gotten so far:<br />
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Day 1 - Love and Respect book (he had asked for for his birthday)<br />
Day 2 - gloves<br />
Day 3 - 3 chocolate bars<br />
Day 4 - 1 box of poptarts has 4 packs in it. A yummy treat!<br />
Day 5 - 5 pack of underwear<br />
Day 6 - 6 bottles of Henry's Root Beer<br />
Day 7 - 7 letters. Matthew has 7 letters so I wrote him a name poem.<br />
Day 8 - 8 oz can of peppermint hot cocoa<br />
Day 9 - 9 I love you notes that he will find in various places around the house and online today! (maybe he will write a note sharing where he found each of his "I love you" notes later.)<br />
Day 10-12 - shhhhh... it's a secret, I can't tell yet.<br />
<br />Nicole Greenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12435266072494071331noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4889297702340602472.post-34182492146110770502011-12-01T17:58:00.001-08:002011-12-14T22:55:57.600-08:00The Dark Days<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.designyourway.net/blog/wallpapers/collection-of-over-70-excellent-dark-wallpapers/">Photo Credit</a></td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><i>As I write this I am not sure why I am writing it, except to let my feelings out and possibly help others who are on this path behind us, which I guess is why I started this blog in the first place. So, if you are one of those who have been asked, no, forced (because we had no choice in losing our loved one), to walk this valley, these are some emotions that you most likely will encounter... And if you are reading this just to hear how we are doing, thank you for understanding our roller coaster emotions.</i></span><br />
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Somedays I just need to cry. Somedays the emotions are so overwhelming I don't want to get out of bed. If not for Lucy there are days I am certain I would have stayed in bed. Crying, sleeping, trying to make the real world go away, feeling sorry for myself and dwelling on my little one taken from me, wishing she were in my arms again. I'm sure many of you know what I am talking about.<br />
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November 19 marked 3 months without Aimee, November 21 was my birthday and November 24 was Thanksgiving. A dark week indeed. Most of it I felt like crying. If anyone even mentioned Aimee, although I was glad they were thinking of her and wanted to express that, I would tear up. In order to have a "happy" Thanksgiving I made Matt and my brothers and sister play games with me all evening (luckily, they didn't really mind).<br />
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But those are the days one would expect to be having a difficult time. The days that I know will come and will have to somehow muddle through.<br />
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I was surprised at the emotions that came when I went for my postpartum exam, even just sitting in the waiting room was VERY difficult. I expressed the emotions to my doctor and he said it is very normal and to be aware that it will probably happen with every thing I go back to doing as I start entering into 'normal' life again and he let me leave the office through the "secret door". Sure enough, the first time I took Lucy back to story time at the library was hard, the first time I subbed at day care again was hard and I had even seen the kids and Andrea (my friend and the owner) prior. Going to the dentist, of all things, was difficult. Why the dentist? He and his wife are on the same 'baby schedule' as Matt and I. They have a boy a month older than Lucy and I knew they were expecting a girl a month after Aimee. Getting back to "normal" is difficult. <span style="background-color: white;">In the beginning it was hard to see babies that I could tell were about the age Aimee would be, however that seems to have gotten better, so when I went to peak at a newborn of a woman I had met I was not ready for the overwhelming emotions that came. I could hardly contain my grief and was in a public place! I'm sorry I put her in an awkward place but am so thankful for my friend that was standing right beside me to help me through. I have also realized it is not a good idea for me to linger in the infant aisle like I used to. (Why does all the toddler stuff still have to be with the infant stuff?)</span><br />
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At other times the emotions just come and I can't understand why. <span style="background-color: white;">Like yesterday.</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span><span style="background-color: white;"> I will seem to be having a great day with most things going well and all of a sudden it hits like a wall and becomes very difficult to function. I have a hard time playing with Lucy or even being up and around. All I want is to go to bed and sleep and cry the day away. I feel like the world is moving happily along and yet I can't put one foot in front of the other. I'm sure others can see the grief in my face, posture, or weakness of body but it is hard to talk to people about my feelings when I am in the midst of it because I know it will make me cry more and if I cry more it's not only exhausting, it hurts more from the headache it causes. So, I trudge on and try to stay up and alert and not fall apart too much in front of Lucy.</span><br />
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I have always been a pretty emotional person and have never really liked that, I've thought of it as a weakness to overcome. Over the last year I guess I have really learned that I need to be ok with my emotions. <br />
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I found this at the end of one of those mass emails I was sent awhile ago. I thought it was perfect for this post:</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i><span style="color: maroon;">'Life isn't about<br />how to survive the storm,<br />But how to dance</span></i></b></span></div>
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<b><i><span style="color: maroon; font-size: large;">in the rain.'</span></i></b><br />
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And how does one dance in the rain? Reflect on God's goodness and the things He has given me. Try to engage with my Lucy, or just sit and watch her play and listen to her laugh. Hug my husband and allow him to comfort me or cry with me, whichever he needs to do that day. And if I really need to let my brain veg out; watch a TV show or read a book.</div>
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How about you? What are some ways you learn to dance in the rain? </div>
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</div>Nicole Greenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12435266072494071331noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4889297702340602472.post-49900802595297497732011-11-30T16:10:00.001-08:002012-01-06T18:33:45.583-08:00What I Did Today<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Opening a pair of pajamas on Christmas Eve is a tradition we grew up with and continue with Lucy. This year as I was going through some clothes my mom was getting rid of I noticed this great Christmas shirt (thanks Auntie Brig!). My mom gave me the idea to make Lucy some Christmas pants out of it. What a great idea! Thanks Mom! I not only made it into pants but there was even enough to make an entire top too.<br />
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As I was figuring out how to make her jammies Lucy was playing dress up and hanging out with Violet. It is so nice to have a little girl who will entertain herself... for awhile!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is what I started with.</td></tr>
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First, I cut out the sleeves to make the pants. If making infant pants you can use the bodice of the shirt but my Lucy has too long of legs! I used a pair of pants that are a bit big for her right now as a pattern since I want her to wear them for awhile. Also, using the sleeves meant I didn't have to hem the pants. :) <br />
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After I cut out the pants I got a shirt that is also a good size for her right now and used that as a pattern. The original shirt has buttons down the front and a nice collar so to not have to not have to mess with any of that I lined up Lucy's shirt with it in the middle and cut out the sides.<br />
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I cut enough fabric off the bottom to make the sleeves out of! You will notice the sleeves are not full length. There would have been a seem around the middle of the sleeve if I had made them full length so I asked if she wanted them short or long and she wanted them short, (they are about 3/4) which will work well for her since she is always pulling her sleeves up anyway. The really fun part is that I made the cuffs of the sleeves out of the front of the shirt so on one arm are little buttons and on the other are the button holes. Kind of cute! And I can button her hands up if they are getting too grabby. Haha! Not really.<br />
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After all the cutting out I moved the pocket and sewed it all up! Amazingly easy and quick... if you know how clothes go together.<br />
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I know, I know, you want to see a picture of her in them huh? Well, you will have to wait until after Christmas. I sure hope they fit.<br />
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Merry Christmas! She LOVED her pajamas! I realized one mistake I made, I need to add another button between the top one I added and the top one that was already there. Oh well, an easy fix.<br />
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<br />Nicole Greenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12435266072494071331noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4889297702340602472.post-22071383826109794992011-11-16T08:06:00.001-08:002011-11-30T18:14:02.090-08:00As If It Were All A DreamBecause of a generous gift given to us by some friends, Matt and I were able to take a little trip to Victoria a couple weekends ago. It was a great getaway and gave us time to reflect and discuss how we are doing and healing.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG3J6c61LanuA2m-btGomRX07xd5AIkPNaN4Mcm5r6UgKxq50nJY3mjQJO_rs4hrhVORp_-TMGRKcy87xwhtuov1ATBmrdqQgX1O5j6TRDzOS7xwvxICnLvsZI3VxYBYLpAiJEZ6ocicZ1/s1600/20110819_02_02.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiG3J6c61LanuA2m-btGomRX07xd5AIkPNaN4Mcm5r6UgKxq50nJY3mjQJO_rs4hrhVORp_-TMGRKcy87xwhtuov1ATBmrdqQgX1O5j6TRDzOS7xwvxICnLvsZI3VxYBYLpAiJEZ6ocicZ1/s320/20110819_02_02.JPG" width="320" /></a>While talking with Matt I was surprised to hear that we both are emotionally in the same place. It feels like it was all a dream, almost like I wasn't just pregnant for 9 months, almost like I never held our beautiful girl in my arms. It's an odd feeling. Not one either of us really enjoy. We don't want the constant pain but are having a hard time accepting that many days there isn't any pain. We aren't forgetting our little Aimee, by no means will we ever forget her! We have reminders of her all over the house, the rose bush out front, the hydrangea in the back, Lucy's 'Aimee bear' that a friend gave her to help her through, all of Aimee's stuff, her hat, book, necklace and so many sympathy cards still sitting on my dresser without a place to be and every time we see the letter 'A', it, of course, is for Aimee. All of these are little reminders of our girl and the joy she brought us for such a short time. But none of these things are her, none of these things wake me up in the middle of the night needing to eat or have a diaper change. None of these things are learning to sit up or smile or giggle at me. How do I learn to be ok with letting go?<br />
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Because I know she is in God's hands. I know that, even though I don't like what happened, He is in control. For some reason He allowed us to have Aimee. There is a reason. Maybe it was to bring Matt and I even closer together through difficult times. Maybe it is to teach us to enjoy the little life God has allowed us to raise even more than we already do. Maybe it is to help others who are going through similar situations. Maybe it is to teach us that our lives are not our own, no matter how hard we try to hang on to them and do what we think best for ourselves, we are NOT in control of all that happens to us. Maybe it is to remind us that God is our Heavenly Father who IS in control and loves us so much. One day we will get to be with our Aimee again and hold her in our arms. That, we know to be true and the thought of it helps us to accept this, the hardest valley we have ever been asked to cross.<br />
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If you have ever been in such a time as this, please comment and let us know how you handled or are handling it. It would help us to know how others experience loss and grief. <br />
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<br />Nicole Greenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12435266072494071331noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4889297702340602472.post-89892423108207007192011-10-19T07:52:00.000-07:002011-11-30T18:14:27.345-08:002 Months<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today marks what should have been Aimee's 2 month birthday. Our family should be just getting down the routine of a newborn. We should be exhausted from not enough sleep. Lucy should be rocking and cuddling with her baby sister instead of her doll. And we should be taking her to the doctor to see how much she has grown since the day she was born. Instead we are sleeping through the night and going through our day just like we always do. Does it hurt to think about what might have been? Yes, badly. Is it good for me to think about what might have been? Yes, because it helps me remember Aimee. Not that I will ever forget her but sometimes it can start to feel like it was all a dream. Like I never had another baby that I got to hold in my arms. Like I haven't just gone through 9 months of pregnancy (although, I can look at my body and tell that this isn't so). I thank God for the healing that has already begun to take place but it does my soul good to sit and think about her sometimes as I let the tears flow freely. <br />
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I think Lucy feels the same as she goes through her 2 year old emotions. She will sometimes say to me, "remember Baby Aimee's lips? They were so cute." Or "remember her hair? It was all dirty. She had tiny little fingers." I love how she brings her up and I am so glad she will have a memory of seeing her little sister.<br />
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Now, to turn the table so as not to emotionally exhaust myself again and so early in the morning, I think of the good things. Little Aimee never had to feel pain or heartache, or loss. She never had to get in trouble or have a fight with her sister. She is having a blast in heaven living in love like we will never know here on earth. She is probably teaching her cousins how to play soccer because she was such a good kicker! <br />
<br />Nicole Greenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12435266072494071331noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4889297702340602472.post-3295137572354104902011-10-15T13:50:00.000-07:002011-11-30T18:14:59.478-08:00Infant Loss Remembrance Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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In observation of Infant Loss Remembrance Day (I bet most of you never knew there was such a thing, neither did I until I became one who lost an infant) I post Aimee's story for you to read. Over time I hope to add more (especially pictures) but for now it is a simple telling of Aimee's life. <br />
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I also participated in Kirsten Petermann's sweet memorial to all our little ones by giving her Aimee's name to be said among the many others in her <a href="http://www.team-ewan.com/2011/10/say-their-names-2011.html">Say Their Name</a> memorial. <br />
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Now I would like to take this opportunity to thank so many of you for your prayers, support, meals, cards, flowers, listening ears, shoulders to cry on and, often times, with. You all have been such a blessing to us. Gifts from God to keep us strong and learn to rely more and more on Him. He is always good and even when we may not like the road He is bringing us down, there is a sense of peace that comes with trusting Him and knowing that we will be able to see our little Aimee again someday. I often wonder what age she will be when we meet again. <br />
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We love you Aimee and miss you everyday. <br />
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P.S. if you would like to see a few more pictures now they can be found <a href="http://mikeweston.net/Aimee.html">here</a> (thank you Mike Weston for putting them up and giving me the idea to start our own blog, maybe you can teach me a few things).<br />
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<br />Nicole Greenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12435266072494071331noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4889297702340602472.post-62993008805501464972011-10-13T15:06:00.001-07:002011-11-30T18:15:22.944-08:00something newWell, here it goes... I am not much of a writer but after reading other blogs by other ladies I feel this might be a small way to help my heart continue to heal. I don't know that I will have much to say but I know some people, who have not been through this journey with us, are curious as to what happened with our little Aimee. Also, it will be a place for me to post pictures so you all can see her (if I can figure out how to do that)!Nicole Greenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12435266072494071331noreply@blogger.com0